Dreams vs. Reality

I dreamt last night that I was yelling, “NOW!”, “NOW!”, “NOW!” at God.

But when I woke up, I didn’t mean it.  Well, I did but not in regards to Gpa’s death.

Sometimes when I am telling Lillie it takes 2 months to get a corporate type job, I think I  should be looking.  Or should I be looking?

Really, I think I should start looking 2 months before he dies.  But I don’t know that day.

I’ve asked God so I can plan better.  You know budget the money so it doesn’t run out, keep each day precious, seek the job so I have it when I need it.

But He doesn’t answer.  When Gpa got up, he came out of his room without his pants, not knowing what had happened. They were wet and he took them off.

I am glad that he wants to take care of himself but sometimes it makes more work for me.

So laundry has to be done and I noticed we are about out oatmeal.  So grocery shopping will be added to today’s list.

I was hoping to wait until tomorrow when the ads come out.  But when is oatmeal and dry milk on sale?

He’s having a great nap now and I’ve sat and watched him breath several times.

I don’t know what I’ll do when he stops.  But it’s not like I haven’t done this before.  I’ll make phone calls, get the word out, make the arrangements.  Then gather loved one, remember, say goodbye, and continue to breathe.

That day will come but it’s not today.

I”m not worried that I’m the next in line.  Life has taught me that people don’t leave in the same order they arrived.

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