Monthly Archives: June 2014

Eggs and Sage

For about a week now, I’ve been looking for the hen’s eggs.  I did think it could be possible that it’s getting too hot for them to lay.

This morning I watered the garden and gave the plants come compost tea.  I got closer to check on the lone tomato by the sage, and realized I hadn’t checked for eggs under the herb.

And there they were so pretty I had to take a picture.  2 went into a scrambled egg sandwich and the rest went into a Pesto Bread Pudding that I’ll be taking to the Garden’s 20th year celebration and potluck.

Not only did the eggs come from my back yard, the onions, garlic and basil did as well.  I hope it tastes as good as it smells.

If I hadn’t already picked the basil. I think I would have put sage in the pudding.

 

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My Harshest Critics

I don’t know about you but the people who have held me to the highest standards have been the people who I love the most.  And I know they love me too.  However, it is very hard to live with knowing that I don’t measure up to the expectations they have for me.

My dad, I know wanted the best for me.  He wanted me to be the best. Even to the point where, from my view point, I got in trouble for making straight A’s in high school.  How is that possible you might ask?  It has taken me a long time to sort out.  (call me a slow study if you will. But here goes:

In Bookkeeping class, the first 6 weeks I made a 100.  Wow, that is super awesome!  The second 6 weeks I made a 94 or maybe 92.  (it’s been 35 years so I’m a bit fuzzy on the details)

Dad asked me what happened.  Why did my grade drop?  I didn’t have an answer.  I was surprised and shocked to be asked that question.  I handed him a straight A report card and I get reprimanded.  I thought I was going to be told,  “good job, keep up the good work.  I am proud of you.”

All I could say was, “I don’t know.”  All I heard was that I had failed.

Looking back on what was happening in the class room…..There was some down time in the first 6 weeks and the teacher filled it with extra credit work. So of course I did it. But subsequent weeks through to the end of the year, there wasn’t as much if any extra time.

I would do extra credit work if offered, but I never thought to ask for it.

But later in our relationship, he wrote some notes about what I meant to him.  I still have them.  They tell me that he learned from me because of who I was.  These notes I cherish.  This is what I choose to remember about him.  This was worth figuring out how to balance who I am with who he needed me to be.

Not easy.  Not simple.  and Not over.

My middle daughter is now texting me she is sorry she is so hard on me.  I asked(through text) why is that?

She replied, “Because it isn’t necessarily what you need, the way I need it.”

I couldn’t reply with anything but, “Oh”

First of all because this is too important a conversation to be had over text messaging.  Too many ways what is typed can be mis-construed.

Second of all the thumbs would wear out before all that needs to be said, gets typed.

Third of all this type of conversation is best ended with a good long hug. Because I know, I’ve done this before, if it doesn’t end with the affirmation of love, I may just walk away and never look back.  And that’s the last thing I want to do.

I’m tired and I don’t know if I can go through not meeting someone’s high expectations again.

 

 

A Fatherless Father’s Day

With Father’s day being celebrated on Sunday, there’s lots of reminders i.e.  ads, commercials, sales and conversations.

A friend asked me how long it’s been since I lost my dad.  14 years.  Then I realized I don’t talk much about my dad.  It’s not that I don’t have anything to say.  I think it is because it feels that I’d have to have to much set up.

Just because I don’t talk about him.  Or write about him much, doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about him.

I will always remember my dad when I see and airplane.  Planes were one of his favorite things.  To the point he flew with the Civil Air Patrol, rented a Cessna to take us on trips and even had a remote control plane and countless models.

But that is just one little piece of who he was and what he means to me.

Father’s day is a day that is a sad reminder that he isn’t here.  It isn’t a time I think of all the wonderful things about him.  All that just makes me miss him more.

My daughter said recently that a friend of her’s told her that other people haven’t had the close family relationships that we have.  that is sad as well.  But knowing that others may never have what we’ve had doesn’t make me miss dad any less. Maybe even more.

 

Sandwich Generation

One of my new co-workers said she is of the sandwich generation.

I am a member of the sandwich generation.  This is where a person takes care of the generation before them and after them. It is usual that a person take care of the new generation.  And in some cultures, it is usual to take care of the older generation.  The new thing is the definition.

I can say I am member of the sandwich generation.  Or can I?

Those older than myself, in my direct line are all gone.

Not here.  My duties as a care giver are complete.

My children are in their 20’s.  My duties here as a care giver are also complete.

What does that make me?  An open faced sandwich?

No, wait, that still has a slice of bread.

Bologna?

 

 

 

 

Progress on the Stick

OK, I have to admit.  I think I cut the plant tooo far back.  I left no green on it at all.  Most of the plants died.  But one of them has soldiered on and has put forth some leaves.  I am so excited!

As it grows, I’ll look up what the name of the plant is.  I can’t remember what they told me.  I can’t wait!

 

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Sunshine on a Stick

That is what someone told me recently that is what a sunflower is.  This is one in my backyard.  I’d have to agree.  Seeing the bloom makes my day.  There are many more buds and I’m looking forward to watching them unfold as well.

Its not as tall as the ones we had at the garden last year, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to turn its head towards me to take the picture. I really like the way the background colors look cooler than the flower.  I think that is because the sun had fallen behind the fence and the yard was in the shade.

Sunflower

Sunflower

Patience for Plums

Patience is important in gardening.  Esp if you want best results.

The nice thing about this season is the anticipation of how the fruits and vegetables taste as they grow and ripen.

I spent some time after church yesterday in my plot.  Finally got the tomato cages up.  Weeded, and watered.  Whew, a busy but good day.  When I walked by the plum plants, I was surprised the fruit was as farther along as it is.

Buuut, if I pick it now, it won’t taste very good.  I wanna wait until they are so juic

early plum

early plum

y, liquid drips off my elbows

I’d say that is well worth the wait.