On Loving an Angry Man

Larry and Laura

Larry and Laura

I have heard people wonder why a woman won’t leave an abusive situation.  They don’t understand it isn’t an easy decision to make.  Many angry men will destroy those who try to leave.  This is a reality, look in the news. You will see many examples of women being met at work, home or even at restaurants and killed. In many cases even the children, other relatives and neighbors are not safe from this angry out lash.

But that doesn’t paint the whole picture either. There is love involved. Just because the other person is angry, destructive and abusive doesn’t make the love die.  Not right away anyways.

Angry men can be very charming and a delight to be around. So easy to love them when they are in the right mood. And then something makes them snap.  They tell you if you had only done this or not done that, they wouldn’t have lashed out.

So the woman adjusts to comply.  To get back the charming man. And he does return and its good again for a while. But the trick is she will never know when or what will set off the anger. More adjusting to comply.  In reality all this contorting only makes things worse.

Dad doesn’t look like an angry man in the picture. But he was. He was angry about a lot of things but mostly at his dad.  His dad died before I was born.  I don’t know if the kidney failure was sudden.  I do know Grandpa Atwell died within a week of having it. They didn’t have dialysis back then.

This unresolved relationship my dad had with his father, kept us from truly being able to connect for many years. Dad did get help when I was in high school and our relationship improved drastically. But it was because Dad did what he needed to do.

Dad had to do it. Not I. Women who love angry men think they can help, that their love will cure what is wrong.  This thought is a fallacy. Angry men who don’t do the work stay angry and love is blocked. They can’t fully receive it. And, Baby, it’s not your fault.

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