Monthly Archives: January 2016

Grief for a Chicken

My little red hen died the other day. I haven’t felt like talking about it until now.  Still don’t want to talk about it. The loss is overwhelming.

She is free range and though she knows it is dangerous to roam the whole yard, she insists on jumping the pallet fence.

The grandkids have been told to make sure she is on her side of the yard before letting the dogs out.  But we have a new red hen and they might have thought they were both in the chicken yard, or forgotten there were two now. Or maybe something entirely different happened.  Won’t ever know for sure.

But when I got home from working in the community plot, little red was dead in the main yard and already becoming stiff.

I knew that there was a great chance of this being the way she would go but I wasn’t prepared for it the day it happened.  In fact I was bringing her grass that I had pulled from the plot so she and the other hen could have some greens.

I got the shovel, picked a spot and began to dig. I chose a spot next to a volunteer wild hunt county tomato plant on the other side yard.  I told her she could nourish this plant that has thrived with little care on my part.

I cried the whole time. Great gasping sobs.  In such a short time I went from anticipating her delight in what I brought her to forcing my body to performing a task I did not want to complete.  This is the last thing I would do for her.

The hen wasn’t the only one I cried for.  I grieved for all whom I have lost.  There are so many I miss.  And until it is my turn, there will be many more.

My daughter said she’d get me a flock when she and the dogs move out.  I told her no, it hurts too much.

I try to guard my heart from caring too much, but it is broken and will allow love to spill out. And now with the goal of loving everyone, it makes room.

I’m not sure my heart can take many more good-byes. or hellos.

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A Message from Eve

Dear,

I am glad you remember me. You remember me often.  Many people are worried that when they are gone, they will be forgotten.  I have no chance of that.

I’m the one you point to and say, ‘it’s her fault’.  All because of this one thing I did that one time.

The only difference between me and you is that I did it first.

As long as you spend your time looking at what I did and judging it, you will be stuck and unable to heal the rifts in your relationships.

I want to tell you that I am so much more than that one incident. I am as multi-faceted as a diamond.

I am loved and I loved well.  I raised three beautiful boys.  They were my pride and joy.

Cain was strong and provided for us. I always felt safe from the dangers of the world when he was around.

He even had a strong sense of responsibility when he was little.  Taking my hand and leading the way.

His brother Abel had a strong connection with God.  I thought when we left the garden, we would never see God again.  Abel was forever pointing out where God is.  I never knew what he would say and I smile remembering the laughter he brought into our lives.

It was devastating when we learned of what Cain had done when he let his jealousy rage.

We lost two sons that day.

How could this of happened? What could we have done different? But the questions remained unanswered and the deed had been done.

It takes everything you have each time you have to start over. We lost everything when we left the garden, started anew. Then lost everything when Abel died and Cain ran from what he had done. Adam and I were faced with letting this destroy us or pick up the pieces and start anew again.

And through it all, God was there.  He did not keep Himself from us. He taught us that love covers even the choices that turn life upside down. We got up each day, did what needed to be done and sought ways to make life better.

We didn’t expect to have Seth.  What a surprise! And he was so very different from his brothers.  It amazes me that the boys were so very different and yet I loved each of them for who they were and are.

And all you want to do is point to that thing I did that changed everything and say it’s all my fault you are in this mess.  Won’t you please forgive me and get on with your life?

May God bless you and keep you,

Eve