Monthly Archives: May 2016

Irritating People I Love part 2

Early in our marriage, my second husband and I painted the house.  In the process, he painted the words, “I love Laura” on a door.  And even after we painted over it I remembered.

Later in the marriage, he became so angry with me he woke me at 2:00 a.m. to accuse me of buying 2 cartons of ice cream for the kids (mine from a previous marriage) and letting his canned good cupboard run out.

I calmly told him one ice cream carton had ice cream and the other being plastic, I had put left overs to use at a later date.

I then told him, he had canned goods in the cupboard, it was not completely out. He replied that he hadn’t been eating the chili and he wanted ravioli.

I then replied I asked him every week what he wanted from the grocery store.

He replied he had told me once and shouldn’t have to tell me again.

I said I was sorry and that since I had to get up in a few hours for work and take the kids to school.  I was going back to bed.

In my mind, 2:00 a.m. wakings should be about life threatening emergencies.  I’m not sure what happened in our relationship to change how he felt about me but it did.

He never could let go of the things I did to disappoint him.  And the weight of knowing I would never live down his judgment against me, the marriage failed and I sought a divorce.

My husbands aren’t the only loved ones who have let me know when I disappoint them.  Even before they tell me I have failed, I know I am not perfect.  Sometimes when they tell me I have failed, it is because of a misunderstanding or an expectation I didn’t know about that I didn’t fulfill.

I am sorry for the part of me that doesn’t measure up. I am also sorry that people set the standard so high it cannot be reached.  That part is more about them than it is about me.  And that part I’m going to let go and give back to them.

It is not my responsibility if they can’t or won’t acknowledge that what I say and do is with the best of intentions. I’ll correct what I can but I won’t apologize for 2 cartons of ice cream in the freezer. I won’t agonize over being human and making mistakes. I believe in grace, I will extend it and expect it to be granted to me as well. If I can’t get it from those in my life, I’ll go to my creator and get it there.

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Irritating the People I Love

I’m not sure what it is about me that causes those I love to get so irritated/angry.

I know part of it is I am not living up to their expectations of who I should be.  My dad stopped talking to me when I married my second husband because I was making the same mistake.

I would have loved to have a conversation with him about why he thought that.  But it was causing him too much pain to see me making this choice.  However, I knew I wasn’t making the same mistake.  A mistake maybe, but I knew to ask more questions.

Unfortunately my second husband was lying to himself about what he wanted in life, so how could he be honest with me?  So the marriage didn’t last. And maybe Dad thought he was right.  But I learned more.

I have tried being who other people want me to be, but I die inside.  I can’t do if for very long.  It’s not the “I like scrambled eggs” because you like scrambled eggs.  It’s the I love you and want you to be happy changes I make.

And that backfires. So I stop trying so hard and focus on what I like that makes me happy.

Like letting a yard full of sunflowers grow in my backyard. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to come over.  I’ll visit with the birds and bees that are delighted to find such a field of sunshine. byfs