Early in our marriage, my second husband and I painted the house. In the process, he painted the words, “I love Laura” on a door. And even after we painted over it I remembered.
Later in the marriage, he became so angry with me he woke me at 2:00 a.m. to accuse me of buying 2 cartons of ice cream for the kids (mine from a previous marriage) and letting his canned good cupboard run out.
I calmly told him one ice cream carton had ice cream and the other being plastic, I had put left overs to use at a later date.
I then told him, he had canned goods in the cupboard, it was not completely out. He replied that he hadn’t been eating the chili and he wanted ravioli.
I then replied I asked him every week what he wanted from the grocery store.
He replied he had told me once and shouldn’t have to tell me again.
I said I was sorry and that since I had to get up in a few hours for work and take the kids to school. I was going back to bed.
In my mind, 2:00 a.m. wakings should be about life threatening emergencies. I’m not sure what happened in our relationship to change how he felt about me but it did.
He never could let go of the things I did to disappoint him. And the weight of knowing I would never live down his judgment against me, the marriage failed and I sought a divorce.
My husbands aren’t the only loved ones who have let me know when I disappoint them. Even before they tell me I have failed, I know I am not perfect. Sometimes when they tell me I have failed, it is because of a misunderstanding or an expectation I didn’t know about that I didn’t fulfill.
I am sorry for the part of me that doesn’t measure up. I am also sorry that people set the standard so high it cannot be reached. That part is more about them than it is about me. And that part I’m going to let go and give back to them.
It is not my responsibility if they can’t or won’t acknowledge that what I say and do is with the best of intentions. I’ll correct what I can but I won’t apologize for 2 cartons of ice cream in the freezer. I won’t agonize over being human and making mistakes. I believe in grace, I will extend it and expect it to be granted to me as well. If I can’t get it from those in my life, I’ll go to my creator and get it there.
NOT Housebound 